My current position is lying bundled up in my bed with a cup of coffee listening to the rain beating against my window. This morning was supposed to be run numero dos in my half marathon training but I’m thinking I’d rather not be swallowed up by the massive street puddles. So I’m just gonna stay here in my cozy cocoon and enjoy my last Saturday of freedom before our semester begins again on Monday.
Something you may or may not know about me is that I am an introvert. I guess a lot of bloggers are because online, through our writing, it’s one place we can be that bubbly, enthusiastic person we kinda wish that we were. So what does it mean to be an introvert? Well for one thing it means that you constantly get labelled as quiet or shy. But I prefer to think of myself as ‘selectively withdrawn.’ Because if something excites me then I’m ALL IN. I’ll be popping and locking with the best of them. But if I’m not feeling it, well then you probably won’t notice me slipping out the back door and racing home ASAP.
Confession…last night I had eggs for dinner. Albeit, it was an omelette that also contained the nutritionally sound combo of bacon and cheese…but eggs all the same. Don’t get me wrong, I love eggs, but they are such sad singleton food are they not? It’s the staple of Bachelor/ettes everywhere. And I just feel like I’m so much better than that. But you know how it goes, you get home late and flop down on the couch and before you know it you’ve wasted half an hour looking at stupid memes on Facebook and then you realize you are really hungry and need dinner RIGHT NOW. So you make the quickest thing you can think of…eggs.
Welcome to the trenches. Welcome to a behind the scenes, backstage, close up look at real life. This post is not an Instagram-worthy, rose-tinted, snappy filtered one. It’s raw and real and the blog post equivalent of a messy bun, sweatpants and no make-up kind of day. This is a post for those really hard days. When you are feeling lower than you have ever felt before. When you feel the stinging sensation of loss, loneliness or disappointment. When you feel heavy and empty and don’t know what to do. This isn’t just another sappy, self care post. This is self care for when you NEED to feel sad.
Right now everything is a little blurry. Not because I forgot to take my contacts out again and they have glued themselves to my eyeballs. Or because it is 5am and I hardly slept a wink last night. Nope. It’s blurry because of the hot tears streaming down my cheeks. Tears of disappointment, rejection, hurt, loss and anger. Tears for the almost and the not quite enough. If you have a second, let me tell you the story behind my most recent sadness.
Did ya catch my Insta-story over the weekend? If not then don’t worry, you just missed me gushing about our Mid-winter Christmas party and spazzing out trying to untangle the biggest mess of decorations you have ever seen. How do things become so tangled just sitting in a bag? I get so irrationally irritated trying to untangle things (such as headphones, fairy lights, vacuum cleaner cords.) Anyway, I’ll save that rant for another post. Let’s talk dinner parties. Specifically, how to host the most epic dinner party that everyone will be raving about.
Happy weekend. I mean since I’m now on holiday every day is technically the weekend but still, I do love me some sleepy Saturday morning bliss. I am so excited for this weekend because we are hosting a Mid-winter Christmas party at my flat and it is gonna be a holly jolly good time. Does it really get better than getting your twinkle on in July? I am up for any excuse to pull out the Christmas decorations and listen to carols all day. I’m also planning on making mulled wine because nothing says winter like cinnamon sticks and steamy mugs. Can you tell that I’m positively beaming about this party?
Guess who is riding that blissful post-exam high right now? Yeah it’s me. I am pleased as punch let me tell ya. I never knew stress before until this semester. It’s funny because I’m the leader of a high school girls small group and I love them to bits but the other day they were complaining about their assignments and stress and it took everything within me to stop myself breaking their sweet, naive little hearts. Honey, you have no clue what stress is. Wait until you are buried five feet under a pile of textbooks, study notes and flashcards. Then we can talk. Because hell hath no fury (or stress) like a menstruating woman in finals week.
I don’t know about you but I’m in desperate need of a holiday. Like a full-on escape and lie on the beach for two weeks with no responsibilities kinda thing. Unluckily for me it is very much winter here and if I were to trek to the beach I would need a raincoat and rubber boots rather than sunblock and a cute swimsuit. However, in T minus 4 days I will in fact be on holiday! Praise the Lord. I cannot wait. I’m already planning out exactly how much nothingness I want to do on my first day off. It is gonna be glorious.
I’m riding a post-exam high right now that even the struggle of shopping for a new pair of jeans couldn’t bring me down from. It’s funny how after an exam you suddenly realize that you’ve practically been holding your breath for an entire week. That’s me right now. Phew. So now I’m back as part of normal society I wanted to talk to you a little about technology. I am absolutely hopeless with technology. Probably a little better than your Grandma but much much worse than any of the five year olds these days. But one thing I have worked out is phone apps.