6 relationship red flags to watch out for

relationship-red-flags

Hey friends!

People are so complicated right? Every person you meet is so incredibly unique and whilst that is a wonderful thing (because a billion clones would be rather dull) it also makes life hella confusing. You never know if someone will be offended by the things you say or will think you’re a hoot.

And when it comes to relationships…well that’s a whole other ball game. No matter how many people you ask for advice, you’ll get all sorts of different opinions. Because people are so different there is no one size fits all answer when it comes to love. But there ARE a whole bunch of red flags to look out for that are warning signs that the relationship you are pursuing is no good. In which case you should run as fast as your cute, tan boots will allow you.

First things first, I want to point out something that you have probably been told a billion times before but I think it’s really important so one more time won’t hurt.

relationship-red-flags

Don’t allow yourself to succumb to the fear that if you don’t stay with this person then you will end up alone with 40 cats.

I personally don’t believe in soulmates or subscribe to the idea that someone is THE ONE for you. I believe that you could be happy with any number of people. Therefore, I don’t allow myself to hold on too tightly to one person because letting them go won’t mean letting go of my one chance at love.

If any of these red flags do apply to your current relationship then girl…you gotta leave right now. You are worth so much more than this.

6 relationship red flags to look out for:

When you feel bad about yourself.

You should never feel like you aren’t good enough to be with someone and if they are the one making you feel that way then there is definitely something wrong with the relationship. There is no such thing as too loud, too quiet, too emotional or too sociable .

There isn’t something wrong with you…you probably just aren’t a good fit with this particular person.

I remember there was this one guy who I really fancied but every time we hung out I would feel so stupid. He was so much more intelligent than me and he unintentionally made me feel as smart as a goldfish (i.e. not very.) I realize now that the very fact I felt this way around him was a sign that we just would not make a good match. 

relationship-red-flags

When you disagree on fundamental things.

I’m not talking about which ice cream flavour is the best (chocolate fudge obviously) or whether Beyonce is queen or not (she is.) I’m talking about the serious, deep, core values that you hold. Are you a Christian? Do you believe that men and women are equals? Are you opposed to people eating meat?

These are the kinds of things that make you who you are and aren’t something you should compromise for a relationship.

Don't lose yourself just to be in a relationship. Click To Tweet

When they bring out your nasty side.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve certainly had friends in my life who bring out the worst in me. Like whenever I’m with them I become someone else, someone I’m not proud of!

If you find yourself slipping into mean girl mode whenever you are with them then they probably aren’t the best person for you.

If gossiping about others or bullying and manipulating people is what you do together then you really should think twice about this person.

When you are bored.

They might be really cute but if the conversation just doesn’t flow and you have absolutely nothing to talk about then you should probably let them go. Arm candy is nice and all but I’d much rather have someone whose conversations won’t be as dull as watching paint dry.

I fully believe that the sign of a good relationship is one where you just click. Where it feels natural and effortless. The kind of person who could be your best friend (because hello that’s what they eventually become!) I think that kind of relationship is worth waiting around for, don’t you?

Your forever person will also be your best friend. Click To Tweet

When they don’t respect you.

Obviously you can’t be a total diva and expect them to bow to your every whim and fancy (pity that) but girl you deserve some R-E-S-P-E-C-T…respect!

Do not put up with someone who doesn’t understand the concept of basic manners. Holding doors open, offering you the last slice of pizza, introducing you to their friends. It’s the little things that say a whole lot about who they are!

I guess part of this is also knowing your own worth and expecting nothing but the best. So let me just remind you that you are one divine individual who is valuable and enough just as you are. Keep your standards high because if you set the bar high, they will rise to meet it.

When they don’t want the same thing as you.

Possibly one of the most important things to consider when entering a relationship with someone is the nature of the relationship. If you are after a serious, committed relationship and they just want something casual then that’s just not gonna work.

You’ve got to be honest and it can be really hard. But if marriage, babies and a white picket fence is your heart’s desire then don’t go pretending you’re happy with their loosy goosy, flaky plans for the future.

As uncomfortable as it may feel, it makes sense to talk about this stuff before it gets too serious because believe me, it will save you a whole lot of heartache.


So promise me this, before you go chasing that tall, dark and handsome hunk, you’ll remember to look out for these red flags. 

Pin this for later so you don’t forget:

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Lastly, I want to share this quote because it’s too precious and something worth remembering. True love is worth waiting for.

“You don’t have to worry about finding love, you’ll always find love, every pot has it’s lid.” – Amy Poehler

M x

Now tell me…

Do you agree with my red flags?

What red flags would you add?

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39 Comments

  1. You have such a positive attitude about being able to love many people! I think this is so true, that we can be happy with many people. I also think an important point to consider is what your relationship looks like from the outside. I’ve given the advice to friends to take a good look through an outsider’s eyes to see if the relationship is healthy or not. Are you making each other happy? Are you smiling when you’re with the other person? Noticing those things definitely helped me before.

    1. I value the opinion of my friends and family so much. It gets really confusing when their opinions are conflicting haha but usually they can see things I can’t and can bring my feet back to the ground when my head is in the clouds.

  2. This is such a valuable post that so many people are going to benefit from! So often, people dismiss these things as things you’ll work through. But you’re right, they are red flags that need to be taken seriously from the start.

    1. Thank you Amanda! It’s so easy to dismiss these things when you really want a relationship to work. But in the end they are just not worth compromising on.

  3. Oh my gosh yes yes yes to all of these! My favorite point you made was the last one about wanting the same things in life. There have been some guys I initially liked and later realized they were perfectly okay with staying in Iowa (my home state) their whole lives and I am NOT cool with that. If they won’t take adventures with me, then there’s no point. Great post, girl!

  4. I agree with all of your red flags, but I do think it’s important to note that when you are in a committed relationship, there are times that you will bring out the bad side of each other. Obviously, this shouldn’t be a common thing, but marriage is also for our holiness and when two imperfect people connect their lives together, there will be times when things get ugly. The important part is to use it to grow you, your relationship with God, and your marriage.
    I don’t really think that was what you meant on that point, but I just figured it was worth adding 🙂

    1. I totally get what you are saying. Obviously we aren’t perfect haha. I think it’s more of an issue when this person causes you to sin rather than points you towards God.

  5. This is so awesome. I think these are all important red flags. And I love what you said to not lose yourself in a relationship- been there done that. And what I’ve learned is that a relationship should just enhance my life, not be the whole part of it! xoxo

    1. Totally omg I have lost myself or dulled myself down for guys before and it’s terrible. I so agree with you. I want a relationship that just effortlessly fits into my life instead of making me go crazy trying to chase it.

  6. Yup I would totally agree with all of these, and I would add that if you have a hard time respecting him, that it would be a red flag for me. If I can’t respect the person (just because of personality differences), it probably wouldn’t be a good match for life. I also love that you mentioned that it’s not that there is something wrong with the other person; it just means that they aren’t the person for you and you aren’t the person for them. 🙂

  7. This is so true! Even in friendships lately I’ve been recognizing these things and how these are red flags that it’s unhealthy. If someone doesn’t respect you or your boundaries, that’s a HUGE red flag and shows they don’t really care for you very much. Thank you for sharing!

    1. I’ve definitely seen some of these things in my friendships too. In some ways it’s almost harder to break off friendships though especially with people who have been there a long time with you.

  8. I think these are great tips for romantic relationships and most of them apply to friendships as well! Although, I do enjoy having friends whose fundamental beliefs differ from mine because I love getting to hear their perspective on the world, it just wouldn’t work out in a romantic relationship! Also… your guys’ sandwiches look incredible. Just sayin’. 😀

    1. Yes I’m the same. It makes for plenty of interesting debates. And it’s good to have friends to challenge our beliefs but gosh it would be hard to be married to someone like that!
      Okay omg those sandwiches were unbelievable. I could gush about them all day haha.

  9. I think these are all great points!! Especially, the one about respect! I would also say, watch how he treats little kids, pets, people he disagrees with and people he doesn’t like (does he offer them grace and respect even if he doesn’t agree with them?) his siblings, his mom and dad, and your mom and dad!

    Also, if he tries to pressure you into things your not ready to do, or regularly oversteps clear boundaries, that’s another big one!

    1. So true. I love that in relationships when you can see that two people are made for each other and bring out the best in one another. It’s so beautiful.

  10. This is SUCH an important post for any and all women (especially teenagers!) to read. Another major red flag is if he doesn’t respect your parents or your family. If he can’t respect others, he can’t respect and treat you like a proper lady!

    1. You are so right. All relationships teach us something. I think people are in our lives for a reason. Either we need to learn something from them or they need to learn something from us!

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