Should girls pursue guys?

Hey friends!

Do you ever look back on things you did or thought and wish you could go back and give yourself a little shake. Like wake up kid…what are you thinking? Well I have a few of those moments and most of them are to do with boys, more specifically falling in love with boys.

I find it somewhat laughable that I grew up with a brother and yet I was so completely hopeless when it came to relating to guys.

I blame Christian culture for the most part (my shyness certainly was no help either.)

There are a whole bunch of very noisy people out there telling girls that they shouldn’t pursue guys. That they should sit tight and wait for their prince to ride on up on a white horse and sweep them off their feet. Men are meant to do the chasing and women are meant to do the ‘look busy while waiting’ thing.

In fact I’ve even heard some go so far as to say that if a woman pursues a man she is taking away his natural position and undermining him. Yikes.

I’ve read dozens of articles, books and blogs on either side of the fence. And they had me going round and round in circles giving me no real answer. Nobody seems to have this issue figured out yet. And I’m not sure that we ever really will seeing as love is so darn complicated.

So I guess at the end of the day, you really have to make up your own mind on the subject.

But I’m thinking in case it helps you… I’m gonna share my opinion anyway. What’s the harm of one more noisy voice?

Should girls pursue guys?

Yes, no and maybe. I really can’t speak into your specific situation because the answer varies depending on the nature of the relationship. I know, unhelpful right?! But don’t leave just yet. I’m not finished.

Well here’s what you shouldn’t do…

Don’t wait around for a guy.

As in don’t put your life on hold until you meet a man. There is a danger in Christian circles of placing this spiritual importance on marriage as though it is equal to salvation. Er no. Marriage is not the bee all and end all. We can be fully functioning people without needing someone else to ‘complete us.’

We have a plan and purpose that God has laid out for our lives and that includes right now. Don’t make the mistake of sitting by your window staring out wistfully waiting for Mr Darcy to come save you from your dull, ordinary life.

Start pursuing the life you want to have right now…with or without a guy by your side.

Don’t let it consume you. 

‘It’ being the potential relationship. Been there done that. Let me tell you it is no way to live! It is exhausting constantly questioning whether or not someone has feelings for you and whether or not you should act on said feelings.

Girl, give yourself a break!

If you really need to know how they feel, put yourself out of your misery and just ask. It’s better to know than to get a stomach ulcer from the stress of not knowing.  

Don’t waste an opportunity.

In other words don’t just sit back and let a perfectly lovely guy go by because you think it isn’t your place to say something. It IS your place to say something.

The way I see it, there are two halves to a relationship and both have equal responsibility of it. And if it doesn’t work out then at least you didn’t miss out. No relationships is ever a waste, there is always something you can learn from them.

No relationship is a waste of time. There is always something you can learn from it. Click To Tweet

Don’t be afraid of your feelings. 

It’s okay to be crushing on someone. You aren’t weird for desiring a relationship. It’s not wrong or strange to want to be in a relationship and to dream of marriage. I know that I personally felt like a dork for a long time because I was always the girl who had the crush on someone and all the rest of my friends were cool cucumbers with no feelings whatsoever.

So what if you fall in love hard and fast. I think that’s a beautiful gift. To be open and vulnerable isn’t easy and if that comes naturally to you, then you are blessed!

Do I think girls should pursue guys?

Yes: I absolutely think girls should be able to make the first move.

No: I don’t think we should be pursuing guys wholeheartedly and getting trampled all over.

Basically, this is my game plan, take it or leave it. Wait it out until you know them well enough. A sure-fire way to make any man run for the hills is to show him your Pinterest wedding board on the first date.

But ultimately the only feelings you are certain of are your own. And therefore, I’m of the opinion that the way you feel should never be hidden.

When you truly care about someone you should let them know, no matter how they feel about you. There is never a right or easy time to say I love you believe me I know. It’s always gonna be a scary thing to do because you are laying your heart out on the line without any assurance that they other person will do the same.

Sure you could get your heart broken (something I know only too well)

But I am of the belief that love is worth the risk. I don’t agree that women were made to sit around and wait for men to wake up and pursue us. We were given a heart of our own and lips to speak out those feelings. 

So to all my single ladies (put your hands up!) be bold. Make the first move. Wear your heart on your sleeve and love loudly.

Pin this for later:

Should girls pursue guys or should we let them do the hard work? Another installment of relationship advice. Should girls make the first move or should we wait for the guy to do it? Here is what I think...

M x

Now tell me…

Do you agree or disagree with me? 

Have you had any experience with keeping quiet or opening up?


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  1. This is a helpful reflection – because there are very few posts/articles like yours which sit in between the two views, admitting that life is messy and complicated!

  2. I never pursue boys. One, because culture taught me that’s how it works. And two, because I wasn’t confident enough to do that. Scared of rejection. But forgetting guys feel like that too!! They shouldn’t be the only ones facing rejection if they ask girls out. My boyfriend was so shy when we started talking I didn’t realized he was into me! We lost a lot of time trying to figured it out if we were interested in each other.

    xx, Melissa

    1. That’s a really interesting point you make- guys do feel those same fears of rejection and if they are shy then I can totally see how it could be a problem, of the girl sits back, then a relationship might never occur. I’m glad you two managed to tell each other how you feel and it has worked out for you!

  3. The way you put it, I do agree with you; I definitely think that it’s okay for a girl to say something, because girls aren’t doormats. 🙂 I love how you kept the balance of contentment and being pro-active and taking opportunities if the Lord has put them in your path. Not all relationships work out in the way we think they will, but they all work out according to God’s will for our good. <3

    1. No you are right, relationships definitely don’t always work out the way we think they should. I have learnt that sometimes God has better plans for us than we do. Being vulnerable and open is always something to work on! Don’t give up on yourself just yet.

  4. I totally agree with this post! It’s 2017 after all! Girls should feel empowered! Another thing I like to tell people seeking relationships is to go with the flow, meaning never to force anything and if you wanted to “make your move” only do so when it feels right! No need to plan every detail when you’re falling in love ;P

    1. Totally. Going with the flow is a good idea. It’s much better to be relaxed and open to a relationship than uptight and anxious. Thanks for reading Kim!

  5. Loved this post! And all of the advice within. Wish someone would have said something along these lines when I was younger. All I ever heard was “Guys gotta pursue, girls gotta wait.” And it was very annoying -.- LOL!

    1. Thanks Kara <3 I totally wish someone had told me this when I was younger too! I also wish I had a younger sister to pass this on to.

  6. I would totally agree with your advice on this one! I don’t think there’s anything super specific to do in this situation. For me, I was the one to speak up three years ago to start my relationship and I am so grateful I did. He is too! We were too worried to ruin our friendship, but I just went for it. You never know where that can get you!

    1. Good on you Caitlin. That is always a risk, I’ve often been afraid of loosing my friend if the relationship didn’t work out. But sometimes it is worth taking that risk!

  7. Soooo, I already told you my opinion (YES!) because otherwise I probably wouldn’t be married to Jesse, BUT, that said… I didn’t pursue him wanting him to be my boyfriend/fiance/husband/whatever… until that’s what I wanted 😛

    I think it’s not a one size fits all answer because every situation is different. You might be a girl with a crush on someone who is super shy and whilst you think he likes you, you know he’ll never say anything because he’s scared of being rejected – and thus you should probably do the pursuing – but it’s not always like that!

    1. Good on you! I love that you were bold and went for it. Exactly, it’s unlikely a super shy guy would make the first move and that would be such a shame.

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