My love language

Hey friends!

I recently read the book ‘The Five love languages’ and it kinda blew my mind. I know I’m like 20 years late and whatever, but I’m gonna rave about it anyway. The copy I have actually belonged to my Gran and it has got her handwriting all scribbled throughout it which I just love (those are the best kind of books, right?) So I thought today I’d talk about my love language and what I have learnt about love in general…ooh la la!

First of all, if you have absolutely no idea what I am talking about then you need to check out Gary Chapman’s (that’s the author) website. You can do a quiz there and find out your own love languages too ( and you know how I love quizzes!)

So for the rest of you who know all about this love language stuff…what are yours?

My love language is *drum roll please*… gift giving.

Nothing makes me happier than writing little notes, sharing whatever I bake and filling people’s hearts with my gifts.

Everybody shows and understands love in a different way. The barrier to great relationships is a miscommunication in our love languages. Once you know yours and those around you then you can express love in a way they understand which will strengthen your relationship like nothing else.

The positive thing about my love language is that people are generally always receptive of it. Unlike physical touch for example which can make people uncomfortable…everyone loves to receive a gift!

The negative thing about my love language is that it is misunderstood and often not well represented. I’m not looking for flashy expensive presents and material things. It’s not about what the gift is, how big it is or how expensive it was to buy…it’s about why you gave it to me.

Gift givers show love by showering you with tokens of their affection. We leave little notes in your lunchbox. We make you origami swans (not me though because I have no paper-folding abilities whatsoever.) We buy you cheese in the shape of hearts. Basically we leave a tangible trace of our adoration.

We aren’t crazy, we just want to show you that we care.

The thing that surprised me in the book is that couples who had been together for donkeys years had no clue what each other’s love languages were and didn’t realize that this was the reason for pretty much all of their problems.

You see the thing is, we humans need to know we are loved. We are extremely needy, every single one of us. We need affection and attention to survive. We were created that way. The desire for intimacy is in our DNA.


So when we aren’t sure of someone’s affections for us, well it leaves us a bit wibbly, wobbly and all over the place.

And I have realized that this is the reason I feel so insecure in most of the relationships in my life.

Both of my parents have the physical touch love language which unfortunately is my very weakest. Even when I was a baby my parents would go to hug me and I would pull as far away from them as possible (bet that made them feel real good.) And I was not a fan of being held my strangers either…like who do you think you are getting your filthy mits on me!

And in my friendships…well I’m the only gift giver there too. Most of them are more keen on kind words or quality time.

So it can be a real struggle for me to not feel like I am forgotten or unloved when the people in my life don’t show me love the way I want them to. How they show love is not the same way as me and therefore we can miss each others thoughtfulness by a simple miscommunication.

Finding your love language and prospering your relationships…

  • Once you know your love language…own it. Don’t feel embarrassed or weird about showing people you love them. Remember, around here we are all about loving loudly!
  • The next step is to work out the love languages of those around you. Once you know that you can start making an effort to show them love in a way they understand.                                                                                                         The times that I have felt most loved were those when someone was speaking my love language. In first year, my mum always sent me care packages and it didn’t really matter to me what she put in them…it just made me feel special to know that she had thought of me. Or one time my lovely cousin popped around to visit and brought coffee for us to share. Or my neighbour brought around a bunch of bananas for us because he knew we were writing exams and needed ‘brainfood’ (bless.)

It isn’t about what you say…it’s how you say it.

  • Lastly, remember that true love is a choice. It is sacrificing your own desires for the good of the one you love. Real love is always vulnerable, messy and somewhat terrifying…but it’s also the glue that binds us together.
True love is about sacrifice. You just gotta give, give, give. Click To Tweet

M x

Now tell me…

What is your love language?

Do other people in your life ‘get you?’

 

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20 Comments

  1. Whyyyy do you have to live on the other side of the world? I think we would be best friends. Gift giving is my love language too- and exactly as you described it. My husband and I had to work hard to adjust to both of ours- his is words of affirmation and I’m not exactly skilled in that. It has been a journey, but one I love!

    1. Aw I wish I lived closer too! Then we could exchange all the gifts and be so happy! Oh that’s funny, words of affirmation is one I struggle with a bit too. I feel awkward telling people how great they are haha.

  2. I love finding out people’s love languages! Mine have fluctuated each time I’ve taken it, but words of affirmation and quality time are always at the top, with physical touch close behind. Gifts is on the lower end of the spectrum for me, with acts of service waaaayyyy at the bottom. 🙂

  3. Eric and I actually took the quiz a few months ago (just for the heck of it) and my love language is gift giving, too! 😀 And my weakest is physical touch… go figure. I am not a very hug-y either, haha, but I’m working on it. There are pros and cons to all of them, I think!

    1. Oh that’s cute. Haha I love that we are pretty much the same! Oh yeah, I really have to work on giving my parents hugs and allowing them to touch me even when I do NOT feel like it!

  4. I love this; this is so wonderful to learn about you; it gives your friends ideas.

    And I totally agree that I really appreciate gifts, especially food gifts, but most of all I am always overwhelmed by the fact that people wanted to give something to me. It makes me want to give more.

    I would say that my actual love language is probably Quality Time or Acts of Service. I do like hugs, but I’m not always a hugger of every single person I meet. I probably am more of a hugger though, than anybody else in my family. 😀

    So if we meet, I’ll probably give you a hug and bring a gift.

    1. Haha well if we ever meet I will definitely bring you a gift too and probably accept your hug <3
      I can totally see those as your love languages. You have such a beautiful servant heart Em.

  5. I’m not too sure what my love language looks like. I have never thought of it until this post tbh. But I do feel like other people in my life really get me, and I am so thankful for that!

  6. My love language is Quality Time – and I think the hardest part about that is that almost everyone has a different idea of quality time! I also fell into a bunch of other love language categories (but it was so long ago I can’t remember – probably every category but receiving gifts – or is it gift giving? I always thought it was receiving because that’s what makes you feel loved?)

    1. That’s true. The quality time one is pretty broad. But to me it means that one-on-one, no distractions (put your phone away!) time. I always get confused with it, but for me I feel love both giving and receiving gifts so yeah.

  7. I still need to read this book; glad to see another positive review of it! Your description of gift giving is so sweet and simple and now I totally understand that particular love language. You are right, it can be easily misinterpreted. If I had to guess (have yet to take the quiz) is probably quality time. But like you, I love giving people things (i.e. baked goodies!) so maybe it’s that?

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